#2 REPRESSED
OUTFIT:
Top: Black Fishnet Top
Accessories: Black Leather Body Harness / Single Ring Necklace
Outerwear: Faux Fur Cropped Jacket
Bottoms: Topman Tailored Mens Shorts
Shoes: UNIF Das Boots
repressed
/rɪˈprɛst/
adjective
1. restrained or oppressed.
(of a thought or desire) kept suppressed and unconscious in one's mind.
The imagery of this series is pretty straight forward, girl who has been hiding her innermost emotions finally breaks and her inner demons are taking control. Well, maybe most of you feel this way to a certain extent. Whether you are young or old, people never stop searching for who they are or who they want to be. Everyone moves on in life, hiding what 'needs' to be hidden in order to survive in this dark world.
The elements of this look includes, a body harness and a fishnet top, which symbolises feelings of being trapped. The full black outfit represents, how darkness can consume one's soul and the heels and faux fur jacket represents one trying to push themselves up and stand out from the crowd of constant judgements. You know, heels = high, fur = glam? I hope you get my drift.
Well, I didn't want to put it out so bluntly but yes this series is inspired by my innermost feelings. Feelings of being repressed, how I should never be my true self because people basically can't accept it sometimes. I can't remember when was the last time I actually felt myself and I don't know when I'll ever be.
I grew up as a fat kid, was always bullied, laughed at on the streets, in school and at home. I always felt like an outcast. As I grew older, eating disorders got to me and I felt worse about myself having to hide in toilets after every meal puking my guts out whenever I was out "having a good meal" with friends/family. Being in constant "darkness", I found my love for the dark fashion. Yes, I was outcasted again. I was being called out in church and called demonic by friends because I was always dreaming of the darker side of life. Can I ever be myself? I don't know. Slowly, I lost myself. I got to a point where I didn't even want to leave home or dress up or meet people. I wanted to stay in my shell and hide forever. I hid my true self for 3 years. Until now.
The reason behind the start of Morbid Grime, was not only because I wanted to open a clothing store like everyone else. But it's because I wanted to give myself a chance again to find myself and be myself. It's scary because every time I dress up, questions repeatedly pound in my head. "Are you sure you're gonna go out like this?" "People will laugh at you and stare at you" "You think you look cool?" "Don't even try please". Despite all the self hate, I try my best to push aside I went out for photoshoots. Even on the day of this photoshoot. I was approached by a couple and called out for not dressing appropriately. They told me to be normal, and not dress like this and even asked me if my parents knew that I was dressing up like this. It hit me like a fucking rock. I stayed calm and apologised and walked away.
That night, I cried because I asked myself why did I have to apologise for being myself again? I felt like ultimate crap. But there's nothing I can do about people's judgements. So, the only thing I can do is to tell anyone who reads this that the reason behind all of these is really to help spread awareness of people hiding themselves, everyone deserves a chance to be set free. You are not alone.
Thank you for your time here